Expectations

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I can’t think of any other topic that gets me into more trouble than expectations.  Whether they are my unreasonable expectations being placed on others, or what I perceive to be their expectations of me, weighing me down.  What a slippery slope they are.  They can cause disappointments, assumed failures, low self-esteem, anger, resentment, and fear, just to name a few.

There are also cases where expectations are believed to be beneficial and productive.   Many educators, for example, contend that placing expectations on their students motivates them to achieve their goals and reach their full potential.  And I am in complete agreement with that stance, if the expectations are reasonable and applicable to the individual student.

Remembering my own grade-school years, and my lackadaisical attitude, had there been no expectations placed on me, I would have simply faded into the background, taken the easier, softer way, and settled for just scraping by.  No expectations would have translated into nobody is watching, nobody cares, so why put forth the effort?

Here, the onus rests on the teacher’s ability to recognize and differentiate each individual child’s capabilities. For instance, when my son was in first and second grade, he was on Dilantin and Phenobarbital for a seizure condition, and it had an impact on his attention span. The first-grade teacher was on top of it, and he did fine.  But the following year, he was frustrated and showed signs of low self-esteem because his condition was not taken into consideration. Both teachers had the same information, but the latter’s response was that he spent too much time daydreaming and did not meet expectations.  A little bit of creativity might have gone a long way that year.

Even the positive expectations that seem to be stitched with hope and anticipation that we place on ourselves and loved ones can backfire.  They may be well-intentioned, but if based only on our desires for their success, they can be a setup for disappointment.

I have been a victim of my own unreasonable expectations on numerous occasions.  The combination of perfectionism and too big an ego are usually the two culprits that, when I fall short of my fantasies, lead me to feeling like a failure and often result in self-flagellation.

And, when others don’t meet my expectations, I form resentments against them. How fair is that? I’ve even gone so far as to justify it by telling myself the expectation was based on their past behavior.  Viewing this nasty habit from the lens of harm done, I must admit, it is a major flaw of mine that has often led to the irritation and alienation of those unlucky enough to have been on the receiving end of my Expectations.