Category: Uncategorized

Eric:  How hard was it reliving certain moments while writing this book?

Ans:  It was quite difficult.  I was revisiting a lot of pain.  Pain that is especially raw when faced sober.  Most of the time I keep all of that in the rear-view mirror; not to be forgotten but at a safe distance.

Eric:  One of my favorite parts of the book is the part where you talk about the collage.  What does the collage mean to you?

Ans:  Working on that collage was definitely a pivotal point in my recovery.  I had only been sober a few months and was enrolled in group therapy sessions for Adult Children of Alcoholics.  One of the assigned tasks was to create a collage of photos that expressed how we felt about ourselves and our lives.  Since I had been a flat-liner most of my life and had chosen to drown all of those scary, unwanted feelings with alcohol, I had a hard time wrapping my head around that assignment.  I gathered up all kinds of periodicals: National Geographic, Psychology Today and my art magazines, and began cutting and pasting.  The process was transformational.  I would work on it at intervals, and when it became too painful, and I could no longer see through the river of tears, I would set it aside for a few days, but never out of sight, and return to it when I felt strong enough to deal with what it revealed.  I discovered that I did have feelings after all.  And I began to understand why I stuffed them.  They were all negative.  The finished product was a huge poster-board full of fear, anger, and sadness.  The only sliver of hope was a small section dedicated to my grandchildren.  I still have it.  faded and tattered as it is I use it once in a while when telling my story.  And when I look at it today, I am overwhelmed with gratitude that it is a relic that belongs to yesterday.

Eric:  What can non-addicts take away from this book?

Ans:  Hopefully a little better understanding of the disease.  The knowledge that no one is immune.  That it can strike anyone, at any time regardless of social status, gender or age.  And that not everyone has to ride the elevator of addiction, which only goes down, to the bottom.  That some are lucky enough to get off on another floor.

 

I will be posting excerpts from my interview with Eric Bergstrom, the DJ at Bay Cities radio in  Marinette/Menominee, Wisconsin.  It pretty much explains it all.

Eric:  Your new book Shaking the Family Tree is about your life.  How does it feel to lay your life out on paper for all to see?

Ans:  Because it is written anonymously, it was not a big concern.  Even though the intent was to protect the anonymity of those who are part of my story,  I’ve come to understand through recovery, that my story is not so different from that of many other alcoholics.  The element of shame and guilt that I experienced early on has dissipated over the years, thanks to the fellowship and support of a couple twelve-step programs.

Eric:  What does writing mean, and do for you?  Is it a therapeutic exercise?

Ans:  Writing, putting it out there in black and white where it can’t be denied, or you can’t take it back, can be both painful and therapeutic at the same time.  It filters and helps put in some kind of order,  a lot of the confusion about events, and the feelings that accompanied those events.

Eric:  What led you to the writing of this book?

Ans;  In the beginning, I was simply going to write a chapbook of poetry that focused on alcoholism because I felt I knew a little bit about it.  When I approached my author, Brittiany Koren, she posed a simple question.  She said, “Why don’t you give us some examples from your own life that will help us understand?”  And it ballooned from there. The memoir was not the original intent.

Eric:  What were you hoping to accomplish with the book?

Ans:  There are two very specific things:  First of all, I wanted to be able to leave my children and grandchildren something useful.  Something tangible and from my heart.  Once I was in touch with the direction that this endeavor was headed,  I wanted to impress upon them the knowledge that this predisposition for alcoholism is part of their legacy, and just where it could take them, once unleashed.  And I wanted to do it in a way that wouldn’t come across as preachy or threatening.  I guess you might say I had a hidden agenda.  Secondly, and equally important. my hope is that by sharing my story, which really isn’t so unique, that those afflicted, their families and loved ones, will come to understand that no one has to go through this alone;  that there help out there, in a variety of forms.  And above all, that there is hope.

PART TWO TO FOLLOW SOON.

 

 

Fall plays me like a yo yo.

Source: “My love/hate relationship (haibun)” at FanStory

Shaking the Family Tree is the title of my book that will serve as a backdrop for blogs, excerpts from the book, and guest postings by those affected by the disease of alcoholism.  Those victims include the alcoholic,  Adult Children of alcoholics, and family members and loved ones who suffer the shared consequences.

The book itself touches on other addictions as well, and is a double genre personal memoir/poetry offering that looks at the disease from a layman’s point of view.  It explores the genetic predisposition, as well as the skewed relationships of Dallas as she navigates the rocky road from addiction to recovery.  It is not a horror story,  but rather an honest look at the disease and its effects, minus any embellishments.  Shaking the Family Tree is a story of denial, hard learned lessons, and in the final analogy, a message of hope and recovery.

So I am extending an invitation to all of those who may be questioning their own use,  those who are currently recovering, and all of those family members and loved ones hoping to gain some kind of insight to the disease to stay tuned.

 

Alcoholic

 

I’ve trudged many miles to get to this; my vanishing point. I have not traveled alone. I drag behind me generations of my kind. We often travel in packs, keeping others at bay, hoarding our secret. The vast terrain that has claimed many of us is strewn with the souls of those who sought escape from poverty, abuse, low self-esteem, and life in general. We found a magic elixir. It became our family’s coat of arms.

 

seduction

hides inside a Goddess

venus flytrap

 

For a while, it erased our fears and insecurities. We gulped greedily from its promise as it seeped through the cracks in our armor. We dressed in layers of false courage, fluffed our feathers and strutted across life’s stage, immune to the snickers of a disgusted audience. We cast aside our problems and they became the property of those we loved. Then, without warning, It betrayed us.

 

heir declines offer

cannot afford to pay

inheritance tax

 

 

How does one measure loss? In increments of currency, in a log of failures penned in stained tears, or perhaps, on the pages of our calendars crammed full of wasted years? I used to think that once important things were declared lost, they were gone forever. But, I am living proof that sometimes those things we hold most dear can be retrieved in even better condition than they were when we so carelessly misplaced them.

 

 

 

 

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